Meat Grinder Monster
I was lying on the couch after a hard morning and started to drift off. Glorious sleep was coming upon me, and soon some rather strange dreams. I was in the kitchen cooking as usual surrounded by a myriad of appliances. But there were some new ones: a meat grinder, some odd slicers, a food dehydrator, and more. But the meat grinder alone was growing larger and larger.
It was bright and shiny – like brand new. I was probably dreaming about it because I’d been reading some reviews on this web site that morning. It called to me silently in all its practical splendor. It was like a living creature of metal and plastic. The other gadgets lay about idly. It was so real, but I was not frightened. I didn’t think it was a dream, but I somehow knew it was not normal.
There was a body to the thing and a contraption on top. It was a combination of a kind of tray or receptacle, no doubt for meat, empty and begging to be fed. Below at the side was a spout of sorts like a gaping mouth ready to spew its prey. A chrome crank was on the other side (I know, they don’t use these much anymore!), looming large and ready for use.
I lay there dumbstruck contemplating this monster. Who or what was it? Why was it there? How would I conquer its power?
I rose from my slumber and approached the menace. Slowly, one step at a time, cautiously and warily. Closer and closer and closer. The spout grew teeth: enamel fangs that hung like icicles. The cord was curled and the socket moved with a snap into the nearest outlet.
The motor went on. I ran to the OFF button, but to no avail. The machine was purring and thrust into high gear. Suddenly I saw its eyes – big, silver and red orbs that glowered at me with a threatening stare. The body of the unit started to twist and turn, back and forth, to and fro, and stopped when it faced the refrigerator. Did it want something to eat? I opened the door of my big Subzero and groped inside. There it was! A package of red meat in a paper wrapper, never been opened (or even seen) before.
I removed the parcel from the shelf and it, too, seemed alive and breathing. With a gentle hand, I opened it to find what I expected: a five pound wad of animal flesh in all its bloody glory. Grabbing it by the edge, I flipped it into the grinder’s maw; and as it was already on, it immediately began its churning work. The meat came out of the spout (or should I say snout) in thin, perfectly-formed wormlike strings.
I gathered the wiggling strands and placed them on a plate. When they stopped moving, I shaped pieces of them into patties, adding a dash of salt and pepper by rote. After only seconds, I woke with a start from my afternoon nap to find my kids with a few friends standing before me. “Are the burgers ready yet,” they asked.